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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26691643">watching you fade</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ursus_mari/pseuds/ursus_mari'>ursus_mari</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>snow queen [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, But also, Canon Compliant, Canon Divergent, F/F, Friends to Enemies, Gen, Lovers To Enemies, Unhappy Ending, everything fundamentally goes the same but morgana has more feelings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 04:29:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>633</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26691643</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ursus_mari/pseuds/ursus_mari</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There comes a point of reckoning, a point at which one decides which side of the battle they fall upon.</p><p>Morgana’s been dreading this one.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gwen &amp; Morgana (Merlin), Gwen/Morgana (Merlin)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>snow queen [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1943665</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>watching you fade</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/camelotsheart/gifts">camelotsheart</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I begged people for Morgwen songs to write to on tumblr and the lovely @once-and-future-dawn gave me Can’t Look Away by Eli Lieb.</p><p>Title is from the song in question.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There comes a point of reckoning, a point at which one decides which side of the battle they fall upon.</p><p>Morgana’s been dreading this one.</p><p>It’s all she can do to not take Gwen’s hands in her own and beg her to stay, to see that what Morgana’s doing here is just, the overthrowing of a tyrant. And if people suffer in the process, well. Maybe then they can feel and understand the anger and fear that burn her up inside.</p><p>But Gwen’s never… Gwen’s never been interested in revenge. She bears injustices with teary eyes and silent disappointment and her mouth pressed into a thin line, fight and desperation gone out after her father’s death taught her the futility of justice under Uther’s rule. She, more than anyone, should be angry. Why isn’t she?</p><p>Morgana’s angry for her. She wants to shatter Uther’s heart and leave him to rot in misery in a jail cell for the rest of his days for herself and for Gwen and for all those people he burned for daring to exist in a way he didn’t like. She wants to teach the others what that’s like, sending the bystanders who’d done nothing when her people burned up in those same flames and watch their loved ones learn the sting of injustice.</p><p>Gwen is looking at her with fear and suspicion and it nearly tears Morgana’s heart out.</p><p>Gwen is so <em>good</em>. Why can’t she see that what Morgana’s doing is right?</p><p>(Teach me, Morgana wants to beg. Teach me to be good again. Tell me when I’m going too far. Don’t let me become him, please, please, <em>please</em>.</p><p>But she can’t say that, can she?)</p><p>“Join me, Gwen,” she says instead, keeping the desperation tamped firmly down. High Priestesses and queens don’t beg their maidservants to stay with them. That would be displaying unacceptable weakness.</p><p>It must creep in anyway, though, because Gwen softens slightly. “You know I can’t. But…” She hesitates, bites her lip, meets Morgana’s eyes with a mixture of fierce desperation and resignation. “You don’t have to do this, Morgana. You know this isn’t the right way.”</p><p>“And what would you suggest?” Morgana’s tone is calm. Measured.</p><p>“Let Arthur--”</p><p>“No.” That is why there was no hope for this, for them, in the end. Arthur comes first for Gwen. The pompous, arrogant… noble and kindhearted, despite his father, boy who she loved once, who is her brother. He would watch Morgana burn.</p><p>And Gwen loves him.</p><p>“Then you have your answer,” Gwen says, defiant in that way she has, eyes blazing. Morgana meets her eyes, and for a moment, they both falter. But Gwen’s face closes again, and Morgana wonders if maybe it’s better this way, to have her heart torn out of her chest. She’ll feel the ache of its absence, but she’ll never have to feel this way again, abandoned and betrayed and hurting and still wanting the person who made her feel all that to stay, wanting to abandon her dignity and beg.</p><p>Her heart’s still in her chest now, though, clinging desperately, and it won’t see Gwen harmed despite it all. So Morgana turns away and says, “Go.”</p><p>She can hear the hesitation and bewilderment when Gwen says, “Morgana, what--”</p><p>It’s not <em>fair</em>. “Go!”</p><p>Morgana closes her eyes tight and listens to Gwen’s hesitant footsteps towards the door. There’s a pause, just for a moment, and it takes all Morgana’s strength not to turn around and look, lest she cast away her anger and conviction and offer herself body and soul to Gwen’s whims if only she’ll stay.</p><p>Then the door opens and closes with a firm, final thud.</p><p>Morgana breathes in, breathes out, and tries not to notice the ache of the newly empty cavity in her chest.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>You can find me <a href="https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/ursus-mari">@ursus-mari</a> on tumblr, if you are so inclined. Come scream at me about merlin!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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